


The Thorn in Your Side

by vol_ctrl



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Banter, Baroque, Beelzebub Has a Penis (Good Omens), Bottom Gabriel (Good Omens), Business, Enemies to Lovers, Female presenting Gabriel, First Time, Gabriel Has A Vulva (Good Omens), He/Him Pronouns for Gabriel, Historical, Historical Accuracy, Historical Figures, I did a lot of research that didn't even make it in the fic, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Semi-Public Sex, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), Top Beelzebub (Good Omens), Wall Sex, as much as these idiots can pine, rococo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:22:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vol_ctrl/pseuds/vol_ctrl
Summary: Gabriel and Beelzebub find themselves both in attendance of Prussian Queen Sophia Dorothea's party at Monbijou Palace in 1717. Gabriel is determined to thwart Beelzebub's schemes, but ends up in over his head.
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 72
Collections: O Lord Heal This Gift Exchange





	The Thorn in Your Side

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Black_Fig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Fig/gifts).



> Ended up with about 3k extra of set-up for this from all the research porn, but it didn't actually get me where I needed to be for this delicious smut. This is based on a prompt by **Fig** for our O Lord Heal This Server holiday stocking exchange!

“Beelzebub,” Gabriel gasped. “We can’t be doing this…” 

“You’re the one who tempted me, Mezzenger,” Beelzebub growled in response.

“I did not!” Gabriel hissed, his voice pitching higher due to the particular presentation he had chosen for this assignment.

Beelzebub had the archangel pinned against a wall trellised with climbing roses, only a whisper away from the opulent party of Queen Sophia Dorothea in honor of Tsar Peter’s visit. Gabriel wore the guise of a noblewoman, though he looked less noble now with his tumble of fawn-brown hair mussed and caught in the thorns, and his bosom flush with the heat of Beelzebub’s closeness.

“Archangels aren’t known for temptationzz…” Beelzebub murmured against the delicate lace around Gabriel’s throat.

“It’s not a temptation,” Gabriel insisted, though with every breath cut short by the tightness of his bodice, he felt himself drawn more toward the insistent press of the demon’s body. “I’m--” His breath hitched and he bit his lip to keep the undignified noise from escaping. Steeling himself against the sensation of Beelzebub’s fingers dragging against the chiffon of his gown, Gabriel bit out, “I’m thwarting you.”

Beelzebub laughed, low and sardonic against Gabriel’s skin. They could feel Gabriel’s intake of breath as they dragged their lips down his collar. “Thwart me, then,” Beelzebub husked.

Gabriel met Beelzebub’s ice-shard gaze, the cold blue lit with the glimmer spilling out from the nearby party through large archways to the terrace. The slice of golden light sparked like Hellfire in their challenging gaze. This was not what he’d had in mind when he had set out to distract Beelzebub from sowing chaos at this reception of the Russian court by the Prussian royalty.

His time in the courts of the Prussian queen as “Lady Maria Gabriela” had polished his charm to a golden shine, more brilliant and precious than his usual demeanor with light, feminine grace. When Beelzebub had appeared in tow of the Russian guests, Gabriel had been surprised and, despite himself, delighted. It gave him renewed purpose for spending so much time here during the birth of the Enlightenment.

It came as no surprise that even in the cold reaches of Siberia, the Enlightenment was spreading. But Beelzebub’s presence could only spell trouble. Gabriel had become quite close to Queen Sophia, and felt personally invested in ensuring Beelzebub did not cause any devilish trouble during this important conference between human factions.

It had started innocently enough, Gabriel making use of his infinite capacity to talk about nothing in particular to his advantage, keeping Beelzebub occupied. But soon Gabriel found that they were not talking about  _ nothing,  _ but instead talking about the past, the many centuries they had spent dancing around each other.

There was a strange camaraderie there, an ease in the flow of the conversation that Gabriel had never noticed before. But it was no novel thing--he and Beelzebub had always been able to communicate in a way utterly different than most angels and demons. Their complementary, but opposite, positions gave them a unique bond.

Even so, Beelzebub seemed to grow tired, or irritable with the surprisingly civil conversation after a while. Gabriel knew he would have to take drastic measures to keep Beelzebub’s attention.

“I thought thizz would be yet another boring night,” Beelzebub buzzed, drawing a finger down Gabriel’s jaw, softer now in his feminine form. “But it’zz never a boring night with you around,” they said in a low voice.

Gabriel shivered and clutched more tightly at Beelzebub’s fine coat, silver buttons shining in the moonlight. He should have shoved Beelzebub away, threatened to smite them--that was his duty, the  _ right  _ thing to do. A fight might be a better distraction than whatever his foolish plan had been. And yet… Perhaps he had been tainted by too much time on Earth. Perhaps he was going a bit native. The way Beelzebub’s lips smiled, that impish little half-smirk half-sneer, around the words  _ “with you”  _ made his heart pound.

For the sake of keeping Beelzebub distracted--and nothing more, he insisted to his beating heart and flush cheeks--he pulled the demon close and crushed their lips with a kiss. The Lord of Hell responded with a hungry noise, a sound Gabriel felt with his mouth, that sent tendrils of Hellfire trickling down his nerves.

It was unlike any kiss Gabriel had experienced before. Due to his long-term assignment here on Earth, he had forged some relationships among the noble elite. He had been kissed before--twice, in fact. Even the more passionate of the two had not felt like this.

Gabriel broke from the kiss when he felt so light-headed, he thought he might faint. The look Beelzebub gave him did not help the heavy rise and fall of his bodice-sinched chest.

“Not boring by half…” Beelzebub mused, brow creased curiously. “Juzzt how far do you intend to let thizz go?” The demon whispered in his ear as they ran fingers into his hair.

Gabriel felt nails rake against his scalp, heard pins fall from his coiffure as Beelzebub’s fingers worked his hair loose. His dress was sure to be ruined as he pressed back against the hundreds of tiny thorns upon the roses behind him. Their blooms were crushed against his chiffon, yielding a heady perfume that mixed with the faint fire and brimstone smell of the demon kissing at his neck.

“You’re the Lord of Hell,” Gabriel breathed, forcing past the overwhelming sensation of being touched. “As far as it takes to keep you from your demonic schemes.” He leered down at Beelzebub, that familiar cock-sure grin creeping onto his lips.

Beelzebub challenged that smile with a rock of their hips against Gabriel’s. “Are you even equipped to dizztract me?” Beelzebub teased and groped between Gabriel’s legs through the fine silk of his dress.

The archangel bit his lip to choke down the answering moan as Beelzebub’s fingers pressed against the soft mound suited to this female presentation.

Beelzebub looked genuinely impressed. “Oh? The Archangel Gabriel  _ izz  _ fully dressed,” they mused. “Juzzt what uzze have you had for thizz?” they asked as their fingers molded against the tender curve between Gabriel’s thighs.

Gabriel felt himself melting against the wall of roses as Beelzebub rubbed the fine cloth of his gown between his legs. He refused to admit he had wondered what it might be like, to be victim of demonic temptation. Not just any demon, no--one of Beelzebub’s lowly minions would be smote on the spot for such audacity. But the Lord of Hell themself… They weren’t like the other demons.

“You can tell  _ me,  _ Gabriel,” Beelzebub whispered. They spread the fine silk taut over Gabriel’s sex and ran a delicate finger over his trapped clit. The angel moaned and felt his thighs spreading, hips pressing into that touch. It was too much and not enough all at once. “I won’t tell on you.”

“N-no, I--” Gabriel swallowed on a tight throat as Beelzebub continued to tease him through his gown. He could barely breathe, his head swimming dizzily as if from too much champagne.

“You zeem to be having trouble breathing...” Beelzebub chuckled. “Allow me.” The demon’s hand left from between Gabriel’s legs and joined the other at his bodice. With a quick rip, Beelzebub rent the stiff fabric from his torso and let it fall away.

Gabriel gasped, at once grateful for the easy deep breath, and distraught with the destruction of his fine clothes. His hands flew up to cover his sheer shift. “ _ Really,  _ Beelzebub. There’s no need to be a brute,” he hissed.

Beelzebub grabbed Gabriel’s wrists and forced them back against the trellis. “There’zz no need to be a  _ prude,  _ Mezzenger,” they sneered in response. “Your body izz zzending very clear mezzagezz.”

The thrill of being so exposed before Beelzebub shocked Gabriel’s own sensibilities. By no right should he enjoy being pinned by the shorter demon, or felt an aching longing between his legs for those tempting fingers. Yet when Beelzebub kissed him, he felt his body betray its desire.

“What do you intend to do to me?” Gabriel whispered as Beelzebub withdrew with flushed lips. He couldn’t smother the anticipation in his voice.

Beelzebub slowly released Gabriel’s wrists with a glance, and grinned as Gabriel kept them there, fingers hooked on the trellis. They relished how Gabriel shivered as their fingers skated down his arms and to the curves of his barely-covered breasts. “What do you  _ want  _ me to do to you?” Beelzebub asked.

Gabriel’s cheeks darkened in the shadows. “Since when do demons care about wants?” he retorted, covering his shyness with rhetoric.

“I want to hear you zzay it,” Beelzebub breathed as they slowly pulled at the tie of Gabriel’s shift.

The muscles of Gabriel’s lean arms fluttered as he gripped the trellis. He averted his eyes so as to avoid the squirming, hungry feeling Beelzebub’s half-lidded gaze was giving him.

Beelzebub pulled the ribbon undone, looking expectantly at Gabriel. Their hands dropped with a shrug. “If thizz izz az far az it goezz… I can return to the party.”

“No!” Gabriel whispered in a rush. It was unclear whether his motivation came from his desire to thwart Beelzebub’s schemes, or desire for another thing entirely, but the flush of his cheeks was telling. His cupid’s bow lips pursed.

Just as Beelzebub was about to lose interest and consider this the strangest victory Hell had ever claimed-- _ not  _ tempting an angel into pleasures of the flesh in favor of sowing discord amongst the humans; a lost battle, but more fuel to win the war--when Gabriel finally mustered up the words.

“I want you to kiss me.” As the words fell from his lips, Gabriel felt the truth in them. Even in just his shift and skirts, he felt almost unbearably hot.

Beelzebub raised a brow. “Do you now?”

Gabriel leaned forward, toward the demon, arms still attractively raised above his head. Beelzebub took a half step out of reach.

“And?” Beelzebub’s grin glinted in the night.

Gabriel frowned. “... And touch me.” Just the thought made Gabriel’s skin tremor with goosebumps. Beelzebub had already infected him with a desire to explore these intense new sensations, something both carnal and divine. Such touch was unheard of in Heaven. If it would distract Beelzebub from their demonic work, who could deny he was in the right?

The Lord of Hell could see that this had gone from a straight-forward “distraction” to something else entirely. Gabriel might be able to lie to himself and say this was all a part of the job, but Beelzebub could see through that. Gabriel really  _ wanted  _ this.

The demon indulged themself, taking Gabriel by the waist, tracing his ribcage through his shift, feeling the angel practically melt into the touch as he swallowed down a pleased noise.

Gabriel met Beelzebub’s eyes as the demon murmured, “You’ll have to be more zzpecific…”

The look in that ice-cold gaze burned him from the inside out, made him feel bolder. “I don’t know this corporation well… you’ll have to show me.”

Beelzebub grinned. “Well played,” they muttered. “So you haven’t figured out what that thing between your legs is for, have you?” The demon raked their nails over Gabriel’s breasts, flicking over hard nipples through thin fabric. The archangel made the most beautiful sounds. They tightened their grip and relished in the sharp gasp it ripped from that fine throat.

Gabriel’s hands fell from the trellis as Beelzebub kneaded his breasts roughly, gripping at Beelzebub’s jacket. He was loathe to admit that it was too much--he was sure this was only the beginning. His body was so unused to such a touch, and these feminine breasts were much more sensitive than his usual corporation.

Then, Beelzebub softened and brushed fingers over his nipples, sending such a shockwave of pleasure through him that his lungs failed him. He found his hands sliding into Beelzebub’s hair, drawing them closer. A wicked hot tongue dragged up the slope of his bosom and he shuddered, moaning into the night.

Beelzebub laughed against Gabriel’s throat. “It would be a  _ miracle  _ for no one to hear you,” they husked. Even just that breath against his throat was enough to make Gabriel moan. It took him a moment to put Beelzebub’s words together--and even then, he thought only of not being caught by the other party guests. The idea of Head Office, or Higher, hearing him didn’t even occur.

The demon had expected Gabriel to be shy and reluctant, but they were surprised to find him approaching this ‘task’ with as much gusto as he did anything. There was a passion, a stubbornness that Beelzebub had always found one of Gabriel’s more attractive features. As Beelzebub pushed further and further, diving into his chest, devouring his nipples and undoing him inch by inch, they found themself less focused on the temptation of the archangel, and more upon drawing more of this carnal side of Gabriel out.

It took a particularly wanton yank of Gabriel’s hand in their hair to even realize they had  _ allowed  _ the archangel to touch them. Without even questioning it. They growled suddenly and pulled Gabriel’s hand from their hair. Before the archangel could question the sudden rough grasp on his wrist, Beelzebub silenced him with a kiss. The demon nearly cursed as this allowed Gabriel’s other hand to grab at their back, demanding them closer.

“Take your hands off me,” Beelzebub snapped. The shifting and yawing dynamic was unnerving. This was meant to be  _ their  _ expertise, and yet, Gabriel’s response was just as tempting.

Gabriel narrowed his brow at Beelzebub, struggling to catch his breath. Even so, he could see through the demon’s cracked veneer. A smug smirk pulled at his panting lips. “My hands won’t sully you any further,” he teased.

“I didn’t give you permission,” Beelzebub sneered.

“I don’t need your permission, Lord Beelzebub,” Gabriel replied. He took the opportunity of Beelzebub’s momentary surprise to pull his wrist free and drag the demon into another kiss. His hands moved to Beelzebub’s collar, pulling at his cravat, tearing at his shirt.

Beelzebub shivered as Gabriel’s hands, soft and slender in this form, skated under their shirt. They had obliviated subordinates for less, and had found touch repulsive since the Fall. But Gabriel’s hands seared their flesh in a different way. He didn’t hesitate, didn’t recoil from them. His touch was firm, yet tender, a kind of touch Beelzebub had never felt before.

Their lips stayed locked, communicating with more truth than their voices would, as Beelzebub pulled Gabriel’s fine silk skirts up his thighs. Gabriel broke away with a gasp, but before Beelzebub could question whether Gabriel was really going to stop them  _ now,  _ he dove back in again, pleading wordlessly with lips and tongue.

Beelzebub’s fingers found Gabriel’s sex sopping wet, and the physical confirmation of Gabriel’s arousal drew an eager groan from the demon, crashing against Gabriel’s own moan of surprise. The demon felt Gabriel’s thighs tremble and threaten to give way as they rubbed against his slick folds, so they pressed closer between his legs, pinning him to the trellis.

They hurriedly unbuttoned their trousers to free their aching cock, then gripped Gabriel’s thigh sharply, lifting him clean off the ground and against the wall with inhuman strength. 

Thorns dug into Gabriel’s scarcely-dressed back, but it hardly mattered in the intensity of sensations washing over him. He felt something hard and hot rub in place of Beelzebub’s fingers and his nails raked down Beelzebub’s half-uncovered chest.

Urged on by the scrape of nails against their flesh, Beelzebub plunged inside Gabriel sharply and earned more of the bite of those nails. Gabriel bit their lip hard, then threw his head back with a gasp. He had been fully unprepared for the intense sensation of being stretched and filled and speared.

Beelzebub breathed heavily, shuddering with every adjusting pulse of the archangel around them. They wanted to rip Gabriel apart, to pound into him until he screamed, but when they leered up at his stupid face, they saw something familiar. Gabriel was absolutely overwrought, almost undone, lost without any composure. To their chagrin, Beelzebub’s demonic instincts to maim anything good left in this world were overridden by their respect, even their--though they would never dare admit it--attraction to the angel like this.

They gripped Gabriel’s rear, kissed his arched throat. Then, slowly, they rocked their hips. Gabriel tensed and let out a shaky moan. Struggling to catch his breath, Gabriel managed to look at Beelzebub. He was startled to find Beelzebub looking at him, not with dispassion or unbridled lust, but with a silent question. Did… Beelzebub actually care how he felt? Did they actually care if he was… enjoying himself?

Gabriel was unsure how much more he could take. It felt like his corporation was going to tremble apart, yet Beelzebub was holding him. It was strange to feel so delicate and kept in the smaller demon’s arms. He had always been the strong one, the warrior, the leader--and now, he felt surrender in these arms. It was not surrender to the enemy, but to an equal.

He slowly moved his arms around Beelzebub’s neck, pulled them closer. The demon’s cock shifted inside of them, causing his breath to catch. He kissed Beelzebub again, but this time it wasn’t a fight for dominance. The demon’s lips melted against his own, their ferocity muted as they moved inside him.

Gabriel was lost in it, this feeling of being joined with the one he called adversary for so long. He was too tight, too taut, and Beelzebub worked him in, moving with slow, deep-breathing movements until Gabriel was groaning and shuddering. When Beelzebub picked up the pace, he was lost to an utterly divine sensation, like a bridge collapsing and crashing into the sea, like a revelation, a sudden eureka of the divine plan for these fragile human bodies.

He was tossed in the tempest of pleasure for what felt like an eternity. Just when he thought he would discorporate, another earth-shattering sensation would tremble from his very core and leave his reeling and panting and helpless.

Beelzebub was not just driven by their own pleasure, incredible though it was with Gabriel reaching his peak again and again with supernatural capacity, even for an angel, but they were hungry to see Gabriel lost in this carnal fugue. Gabriel looked so beautiful in his ruin--not because he was suffering, but because he was  _ exulting  _ in something thought to be so sinful. It looked righteous on Gabriel’s glorious form.

Gabriel was milking them with every stroke, his body almost painfully tight around their cock. But it was his expression that undid them. He had gone from clinging to Beelzebub to riding them against the wall, careless of the rattle of the trellis, the rain of ruined rosepetals, the thorns scraping his back. His mouth hung open in ecstasy, eyes and ears blind to the world.

Beelzebub cursed against Gabriel’s breasts as they peaked deep inside the archangel. Their eyes shut for a moment, but they forced them open to witness Gabriel’s blissed out look of confused wonder as he experienced that deep pump of spend inside him.

His dark lavender eyes fixed on Beelzebub, his head tilted, tangled curls of brown stuck to his neck with sweat, tumbling over his bare shoulder.

_ I’m in danger,  _ was Beelzebub’s first thought. It was not divine retribution they feared, but the sudden pulse of their heart as they stared into that look of what could only be called love. How an angel could turn all that sinful pleasure into love boggled the mind--and how a demon could feel any love at all was equally distressing.

“That was…” Gabriel said dreamily.

“Business,” Beelzebub said quickly.

Gabriel blinked, narrowed his eyes, then slowly smiled. “Yes. Strictly business.” He shifted and finally seemed to notice that he had just been fucked silly against a rosebush. He winced and stilled.

Beelzebub withdrew with a little shiver and tried to put Gabriel back on his feet. The archangel wobbled dangerously, and much to Beelzebub’s disdain, they found themself catching Gabriel’s arm to steady him. The smile of gratitude made them sick.

“Well, I… think I kept you out of too much trouble,” Gabriel mused, his voice still far-off.

Beelzebub was beginning to regret introducing Gabriel to pleasures of the flesh. They righted their attire with a snap of their fingers and popped their coat into place for good measure.

With a leisurely flick of his hand, Gabriel reaffixed their bodice into place, then snapped to mend the copious tears in their fine chiffon gown. The scratches might take a bit more to heal, so he miracled himself a simple coat to go with his outfit. Consider the scratches some… battle wounds from his… intense bout with the Lord of Hell.

“Shall we return to the party?” Gabriel asked, feeling light as air. Truly, there was something  _ divine  _ about this feeling. It must have been the righteousness from a proper thwarting. He hadn’t so fully thwarted the Lord of Hell in some years.

Beelzebub smirked at Gabriel’s blissful tone and offered their arm. Gabriel took it and they walked slowly back toward the archway they had absconded through.

Within, the party had devolved into utter chaos. The Queen was shouting with laughter as she tore off her own jewels and threw them into the betting pot upon the impromptu gambling table that had gathered. The Russians appeared to have a bottle each in hand--not to mention the ones that had been shattered on the floor. There was dancing, but the tempo of the music had changed drastically. Bits of tapestries, or perhaps dresses, were littered on the floor, and every available couch was packed to capacity with snogging couples.

Gabriel stood stunned. The glow began to fade. “ _ You,” _ he turned an accusatory look on Beelzebub. To his surprise, Beelzebub looked just as stunned, in their own muted way.

“Humans,” Beelzebub muttered.

Gabriel turned back to the party gone amok and sighed. “Humans.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you like what you see here, follow me on Twitter [@vol_ctrl](https://twitter.com/vol_ctrl) for more content!


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